Sleepovers with Dave
by Mod Fae
Summary: Jemaine and Bret fight about Coco, again, and Jemaine goes to Dave's house to spend the night until this blows over. Rated M for Dave's swearing. Which is unavoidable
1. The Fight

Jemaine carried a small bag of his essential belongings over his shoulder. He was walking in the direction of Dave's house, hoping that Dave would let him stay a few nights with him. His thoughts wandered back to the incident with Bret that had spurred Jemaine leaving their apartment.

Bret stood at the kitchen sink, washing dishes from a dinner he had made for himself and his girlfriend Coco.

"Do you think you could let me eat the leftovers, Bret?" Jemaine asked, as he hadn't made any dinner for himself.

"No, there was none left. Sorry," Bret responded, his back to Jemaine.

"Do you ever think Coco is turning you into a woman, Bret?" Jemaine asked after a few seconds of silence.

"What?" Bret asked, turning off the water and turning towards Jemaine.

"Well, she made you make her dinner, and now she's made you do the dishes. Don't you think that should be her job as a woman?" Jemaine said.

"No, she didn't make me, I offered," Bret replied, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"Well, yes, but also she is turning you into a woman,"

"No, how can she be turning me into a woman when I offered to do this?"

"She's making you clean her dishes, mainly, and also she didn't offer to help. I think she left so quickly because she didn't want to help, and also, because she's turning you into a woman,"

"Jemaine, she had to get home because her roommate called because he forgot his key,"

"Right, but also, she did not want to do the dishes. She was sitting there with the dirty dishes thinking 'Oh no, dirty dishes. I'm a woman, I'll have to clean them,' and then her roommate called and she thought 'Ah, yes. Now I can escape my responsibilities.' And that is why she left so fast,"

"You are being rude about Coco, and now I don't want to hear anymore about it," Bret left the kitchen and went into the bedroom.

Jemaine followed him and sat on his bed and faced Bret. Bret ignored Jemaine and picked up a magazine from a bag Coco had given to him, and began to read it.

"Is that magazine you are reading called 'Women's Day'?" Jemaine asked Bret.

"Yes, it has a lot of craft ideas that I think will help me in my own crafts," Bret replied, not getting what Jemaine was trying to imply.

"Ah, so it's a women's magazine," Jemaine nodded to himself.

"Well, yeah, I guess so, but it has cross stitching tips that I think apply to us all,"

"And Coco got that for you, did she?"

"Right,"

"Do you think, maybe, she bought that for you so you'd turn into a woman?"

Bret set his magazine aside, rather forcefully, and looked at Jemaine. "Jemaine, if you are going to keep insisting Coco is trying to turn me into a woman, I'm going to have to ask you to leave,"

"You're asking me to leave?" Jemaine asked his mouth turning into a frown.

"Yes, only if you don't stop saying Coco is turning me into a woman," Bret clarified, not wanting his best friend to think he was kicking him out.

"Yes, well, can I leave in the morning; it's quite dark outside,"

"Yeah, okay,"

And with that the two friends went to sleep.

In the morning, Bret woke up with a wig on his head and an apron tied around his waist. Jemaine's things were all over the floor and Jemaine was nowhere to be found in the apartment.


	2. Arriving at Dave's

It was 8 am and Dave was sleeping very peacefully in his bedroom. Until, some fucking moron decided to start knocking on his front door. Dave ignored it, hoping either of his parents would get the door. In the back of his mind he remembered it was Tuesday and that every Tuesday they left the house at 7am to be the first in line for the library used book sales. He squinted his eyes shut and tried to go back to sleep, when the knocking started again, along with muffled shouting. Groaning to himself, Dave rolled out of bed and went to answer the door.

"What the fuck would someone want at this goddamn hour," Dave mumbled to himself as he staggered towards the door.

He reached the door and, not bothering to check the peephole, opened it. On his doorstep was one of his weird British friends, Jemaine.

"What do you want right now, man, I was sleeping," Dave grumbled at Jemaine.

"Oh, sorry about that Dave, but Bret has thrown me out because his girlfriend is turning him into a woman," Jemaine explained.

"What? Bret is letting himself be pussy-whipped? Man, that is so not cool, if that was me, and set that bitch down and fuck her. That'd show her who has the penis," Dave responded with much enthusiasm.

"Yes, and also can I spend the night?" Jemaine asked, a little uncomfortable at the fact that Dave had started thrusting his pelvis.

"Yeah, sure. Maybe we could go tag team Bret and make him see what a bitch Coco is," Dave ceased his thrusting and let Jemaine in the house.

"Or Yoko Ono, as I like to call her," Jemaine replied with a smug smile.

"Who?" Dave asked as he walked back to his room.

"You know, John Lennon's wife, she broke up The Beatles…" Jemaine explained.

"Man, I don't know what kind of shitty music you have back in Scotland, but here, we've never heard of John Lennon," Dave said as he climbed back into bed.

Jemaine stood uncomfortably in the doorway, not knowing what he should do. Dave, it appeared was going to go back to sleep, but what was Jemaine supposed to do till he woke up?

"Uh, Dave?" Jemaine asked tentatively.

"What, I have to go to my shop soon, and I'd like some sleep. Why don't you take your Viking ass into the living room and watch some TV?" Dave grumbled at Jemaine while pulling various blankets, and clothing over his head.

"Yes, right, yes," Jemaine muttered as he went into the living room.

The living room was neat and not littered with clothing as Dave's was. Jemaine was able to find the remotes easily and he turned on the television.

About an hour later, Dave was still asleep. Jemaine watched some horrible woman cook with nothing but Extra Virgin Olive Oil, and was getting quite tired of her raspy smoker's voice. Luckily, at that moment Dave's parents- who Jemaine knew as Dave's roommates, walked in.

"Who are you?" Dave's father asked, seeing Jemaine on their couch.

"Ah, yes, I am Dave's friend Jemaine, he's letting me stay with him while me and my roommate are having a big fight," Jemaine responded.

"Oh, how nice of Dave, he usually doesn't let us meet his friends. Are you hungry? I'll make you some food," Dave's mother said as she escorted Jemaine into the kitchen, her arms full of used books.

Eventually Dave made his way out of bed, he had forgotten about Jemaine, writing it off as a dream. He glanced at his alarm clock, which was half covering in a pair of boxers and noticed he was late to open his shop. He quickly threw some clothes on and ran out the door, hoping he wasn't too late for his eggrolls.


	3. Creepy Old Indian Woman

Dave returned home fairly late that night, he had gotten dinner with a few friends and had hung out with them at a bar afterwards. He felt a bit tipsy, but wasn't so drunk that his mother would catch on. She tended to lecture Dave quite a lot if she found out he had been drinking.

When Dave opened the door, he was surprised to see that his couch had been made-up as a make-shift bed. He eyed the bed carefully as he heard someone come into the living room from the kitchen.

"Dave, how was work?!" Jemaine's excited voice reached Dave's ears.

Dave turned towards Jemaine, the memory of what he had passed off as a dream returned to his mind. After his brain figured out the reality, he noticed Jemaine was wearing a pair of his old pajamas.

"What the fuck, man? Why have you been going through my shit?" Dave raised his voice slightly in anger.

"Oh, right, the pajamas. Well, your mother said you didn't wear these anymore, and so she gave them to me to wear tonight," Jemaine explained.

"My mother?! My mother is DEAD," Dave yelled the word 'dead' towards the kitchen, "that woman who lives here is NOT my mother, she's just some CREEPY OLD INDIAN WOMAN who takes photos of me as a child and uses the computer to put her in them," Dave looked quite agitated.

"I know, you've told me that before, but I think she might be telling the truth. Think about it Dave, maybe she faked her death and then got surgery so you wouldn't know it was her. She seems like someone who wouldn't lie about things," Jemaine tried to reason with Dave.

Dave sighed; he hated people knowing that he still lived with his parents, especially since he owned his own store. But Jemaine was not about to drop this, unless Dave could distract him.

"Yeah, maybe. Hey, Jemaine, what kind of things do you do at home in England?" He suggested, wincing a bit at the thought of what sort of horrible games Jemaine's native people did for entertainment.

"New Zealand, actually," Jemaine corrected him "I don't really feel like doing anything, it is quite late I was thinking of putting a movie on, or going to sleep,"

Dave could have almost hugged Jemaine for saying that, if it wouldn't have been totally gay. "That's a great idea! Sleep would be awesome,"

Dave's mother then called to him from the kitchen and Dave quickly left Jemaine in the living room. He needed to remind his mother about their agreement. She doesn't tell his friend's that he lives with his parents and he doesn't have sex on her dining table anymore.


	4. Pussy Plans

The next morning Dave's parents were up early, doing things about the house. The noise of them walking around the house woke Jemaine. Jemaine got out of his spot on the couch and went to the bathroom. When he returned, from a rather long trip to the bathroom, he found the house empty, besides Dave. Dave's mother-roommate had left some of Dave's old clothes on Jemaine's couch and she had also left a rather large breakfast for Jemaine on the coffee table.

Jemaine happily dug into his breakfast, and soon afterwards changed into Dave's old clothes. Now, I am sure you are wondering, 'why doesn't Jemaine just wear the clothes he packed with him?' Well, this is because his bag of essential items did not contain clothes, or, really, anything needed for survival. It had his notebook of song ideas, his favorite dubbed video dub, and in a moment of spite, he had taken the only two cups that Bret and Jemaine owned.

When he was dressed and getting into a show on TV about spinning wool, Dave staggered into the living room. "Are you still here?" he asked harshly.

"Ah, yes, yes. I believe so, yes," Jemaine answered.

"Are you going to make up with Bret anytime soon? I'm tired of my roommate letting you borrow my old clothes," Dave said as he changed the TV to a program about prostitutes.

"Well, that all depends on if Bret can realize that Coco is turning him into a woman," Jemaine answered. "But, I have a band meeting today so I will check up on Bret,"

"Well, good," Dave said and then turning his view from the loose women on the screen said to Jemaine "You know, if you DO have to spend the night again, we should totally go pick up some chicks,"

"Yes, good. I like chicks and women, and prostitutes, yes," Jemaine said, not taking his eyes off the half-naked women on the TV.

"Well, that's great, man! How about we make a plan to get some pussy regardless, okay? I'll tell my roommates to go to bed with earplugs and we're set," Dave said, getting more excited at his plans of getting laid. So what if Jemaine had to spend the night again?

"Mm, yes, I would like to get some pussy with you," Jemaine said.

"Well, okay. Then when I get home from the store tonight, we'll go out to the bar and get some hot chicks that are drunk to come back here with us,"

"I can only think of one problem Dave,"

Dave was super-confident in his plan; he could see no snags in it at all. "What's that?" he asked, slightly annoyed.

"Well, there is only one bed, so will we do it in shifts, or is your bed big enough for four?"

"Ugh, EW! You stupid fag! You'll bang your bitch on the couch, you aren't getting anywhere NEAR my bed with a boner," Dave got up from his seat on the couch in disgust.

"Ah, alright, sorry to have made you upset, it's just. Well, the couch isn't that big, Dave," Jemaine gestured at the couch that he had fallen off of many times during the night.

"Look, you don't need that much room. Hold on," Dave went into his parent's bedroom and returned with a book. He handed the book to Jemaine. "Read up on this buddy, this'll be your best friend tonight,"

"What is this?" Jemaine asked looking at the blank cover of the book.

"It's a book on kama sutra," Dave replied as he returned to his bedroom.


	5. Band Meeting

After several hours of perusing Dave's parent's kama sutra book, Jemaine looked at the clock and realized he needed to be leaving for the band meeting. Hesitantly, he left the book on the coffee table, next to the plate of breakfast he hadn't bothered to wash or even take to the kitchen. Then, putting on one of Dave's old coats he left Dave's house and headed towards Murray's office.

He arrived at Murray's office slightly out of breathe, but on time, before Bret, much to Jemaine's delight. Jemaine took his seat at in Murray's office. Murray muttered a hello and went back to some paperwork; Murray never was too chatty until the band meetings officially started. Jemaine didn't mind, he wanted to see the look on Bret's face when he saw Jemaine got there first.

Bret arrived in a few short moments, with a bag in his hand. Bret didn't look in Jemaine's direction at all as he climbed over Jemaine to the only open seat.

"Right," Murray said before Jemaine could ask Bret anything, "Let's begin the meeting… Bret?"

"Present," Bret said a little cheerfully, too cheerfully for Jemaine's liking.

"Jemaine?" Murray continued with roll call.

"Yes," Jemaine responded, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Bret.

"Murray. Present. All right, now, item one, band scarves," Murray said reading out his agenda.

"Band scarves? Murray, I can't wear a scarf, it makes my neck look too fat, I can't sing when my neck looks fat, I get self-conscious," Jemaine complained.

"Jemaine, just please here out Bret before you go making biased comments," Murray said pointing his pencil at Bret.

"Well, I recently began to learn to knit, and I thought that I could knit us some scarves to wear during our next concert, and then have replicas of our scarves for sale for the fans," Bret said pulling out a mess of yarn and knitting needles from his bag.

"Who taught you to knit, was it Coco?" Jemaine asked accusingly.

"It was your mother actually, she's been giving me lessons over the phone," Bret replied.

"Ah, so my mother is trying to turn you into a woman as well, is she?"

"Guys! Guys! Let's get back to business," Murray insisted, not liking the sound of their argument. "Now, we'll try the scarves out for the next gig and see how it goes-" Jemaine moved his mouth to argue "No, you'll at least try Jemaine, think how sad your mother will be if she finds out her lessons have been wasted!"

Jemaine closed his mouth and slumped in his chair.

"Item two, Jemaine living with Dave," Murray said moving down his list.

"What, how do you know about that?" Jemaine asked throwing an accusatory look at Bret.

"You're mother called and told me that Bret had told her where you were, she called for you while you were at Dave's apparently. Now, Jemaine, I hope this won't be a permanent move, because all your business cards have the apartment's address on it,"

"Well, that depends on if Bret can show Coco who has the penis," Jemaine answered, quoting something Dave had said earlier.

"What? Jemaine you can't just say such profane things here in my office, now, apologize to Bret for mentioning his girlfriend and penis in the same sentence," Murray made some furious notes on his notepad.

"I'm sorry, Bret," Jemaine muttered.

"No problem," Bret replied shrugging off Jemaine's profane use of words.

"Now, Item three, Bingo party tonight at office, you both are invited, I hope you will both make an appearance," Murray said, accepting Jemaine's half-felt apology.

"Ah, yes, well, Murray, I am busy tonight," Jemaine replied.

"Busy? Busy with what? You're not even living at home Jemaine," Murray seemed to be having constant problems with Jemaine's attitude today.

"Me and Dave were going to go pick up chicks and bang pussy," Jemaine replied.

"Ugh, that's gross Jemaine! Again with profane language, I'll be calling your mother about this, yes sir," Murray scratched at his pad furiously.

"Could I bring Coco?" Bret asked Murray.

"As long as you don't talk about banging pussy and your penis, then yes, Bret, I don't see why not," Murray said as he picked up his phone. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a long phone call ahead of me with Jemaine's mother," he waved the duo out of his office.

Jemaine stormed out of the office before Bret could say anything to him. Why couldn't Murray side with him? He didn't even listen when Jemaine said that Bret was being forced to turn into a woman by Yoko Ono.


	6. Pawn Shop

Jemaine ended up going to Dave's pawn shop instead of back to Dave's house, because he didn't want to be sitting in front of the TV alone. Although, he could have read the kama sutra book alone, quite happily. But regardless, he went to Dave's shop instead.

Dave was behind the counter, polishing it, and staring absent-mindedly out the window. He glanced at Jemaine as he walked in and casually asked, "So, how did your band meeting go?"

"Terrible," Jemaine shook his head, remembering the scene of the band meeting, "Bret has started to knit, and Murray is going to call my mother about me,"

"What? First of all, why is Bret so gay? And second, you're a grown-man, right?" Dave looked intently at Jemaine, like he was trying to answer the question himself.

"Right," Jemaine answered anyways.

"Okay, so you don't take shit from anyone, especially your wrinkled old mother,"

"My, mother is not really very wrinkled," Jemaine muttered.

"Well, whatever, obviously you Irish are just not normal,"

"New Zealanders,"

"Whatever you want to call your magic anti-aging cream is between you and your plastic surgeon,"

An awkward pause followed Dave's comment; Jemaine cleared his throat a couple of times, but could not think of how to start up a conversation again. Dave, however, seemed unfazed and went make to wiping his counter off.

"Oh, Jemaine," Dave said after a while "did you get any good ideas from that book?"

Jemaine nodded, "I think I'll go back and wait till you get off work," and he quickly hurried out of Dave's shop.

He had forgotten about the book and once Dave reminded him of it, he knew he had quite a lot more to read tonight, before he was ready for tonight.

When he reached Dave's house, no one was home, still, so Jemaine didn't have to worry about any one seeing him read. He took advantage of this opportunity, and began to read again. Soon, he found that various things he read needed to be noted, so he didn't forget it all. So he got out his song notebook and began to note important things he wanted to be able to easily refer to later that night.

A few times he had to draw diagrams because he couldn't think of any way to write it so that it would make sense. After Jemaine had about three full pages of notes, he decided to take a quick nap so that he would be rested and ready for tonight.


	7. Bar Scene

Jemaine found himself at a bar with Dave later that night. He sipped on his nice big beer, and checked out the ladies in the room. There were quite a lot of good looking ladies out tonight, but they all seemed to be drifting towards Dave. Jemaine was unfettered buy this though; he was used to girls flirting with Bret more than himself. So, he decided to take matters into his own hands and go dance behind a cute red-headed girl. She seemed to be into Jemaine dancing with her, and after a while she followed him to the bar, where he ordered her a beer.

"What's your name?" she asked in a bubbly voice.

"Jemaine," he answered, quite glad that Dave didn't have any red-head in his group of girls that he was talking to "what is your name?"

"Bree," she answered with a smile "You have a weird accent, are you from someplace exotic?"

"Only if you think New Zealand is exotic," Jemaine chuckled to himself.

Bree pursed her lips in confusion, "Isn't that where hobbits live? Why would you say you live in a fictional place?"

"No, that's just where it was filmed, hobbits don't really live there," Jemaine quickly said, hoping Bree wouldn't leave because she thought he was lying.

"Oh well, I failed Geometry anyways,"

"What does math have to do about this?"

"No, no, the map stuff,"

"Oh, you mean Geography,"

"No, I think I said Geometry," Bree narrowed her eyes in annoyance.

"You have pretty hair," Jemaine said in a hurry.

Bree's face softened and she smiled widely, "Thank you," she said "I like your sideburns,"

Jemaine subconsciously felt his sideburns. "So, what are you doing out here tonight?" he asked her.

"Oh well, I finished my final paper for school so I came out to celebrate, what about you?" she flipped her hair quite a lot, Jemaine was beginning to notice, now that he had complimented her hair.

"My friend Dave and I are trying to pick up chicks," Jemaine said matter-of-factly.

"Normally, Jemaine, to be honest, I would be offended by such a statement, but it has been a long semester, so if you are looking for a one night stand I am down," Bree answered after a second of thought.

"Ah, good, yes, pound that pussy," Jemaine muttered nervously, he hadn't thought picking up chicks would be this easy, even though he was quite the ladies man.

Bree laughed at Jemaine's muttering, not really understanding most of what he said. "You're cute, want to get out of here now?"

"Uh, hold on," Jemaine said as he ran over to Dave.

"And then I was like, 'Look bitch, I don't care if you have some sort of fetish you aren't getting near my knees,' and of course she-" Dave talked casually to a group of girls that seemed enthralled by every word Dave was saying.

"DAVE!" Jemaine yelled, interrupting Dave's story. He hadn't meant to yell but he was in a hurry to get Bree back to Dave's house.

"What, Jemaine, can't you see I'm busy?" Dave said annoyed as he gestured towards the group of girls around him.

"Sorry, but can we get out of here?" Jemaine said hurriedly, glancing back to make sure Bree hadn't disappeared or something.

"Come on, give it a little longer, the ladies will start to notice you soon," Dave patted Jemaine on the shoulder.

"No, Dave, I FOUND a girl, and she wants to go!" Jemaine glanced towards Bree again.

"Oooh, well, then I'm ready, Ladies?" he said as he offered two elbows, the girls pushed each other and finally two girls had claimed Dave's elbows while the rest looked like they were ready to follow Dave, wherever he went.

Jemaine quickly went back to Bree and they left bar together, following Dave back to his house.


End file.
